Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Truth About Husbands

Shawn is an amazing husband and father… that’s the truth!

I read an article the other day by a woman who was enraged after hearing another mother comment, “My husband is terrific. He is always willing to help out with the kids and pitch in around the house.” The article’s author wrote that this woman was wrong in praising her husband for doing these things. That she should expect and demand this of her husband, not compliment him for it. That parenting is an equal partnership and men get away with doing too little and are treated like heroes when they do contribute to the parenting, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I do agree with some of the opinions in the article. Parenting is a partnership. But does that mean mothers and fathers have the same roles? I do not think they do. Shawn does not expect me to work outside the home – that’s his role in our marriage. His job is to get up early every day, drive 6-8 hours some days, and work hard and diligently at being successful at his career. This enables us to have our beautiful warm house, our reliable vehicles, food on the table, and little extras like swim classes and our beach vacation (not to mention paying the gazillion doctor’s bills!). Likewise, my job is to get up every morning (sometimes earlier than Shawn, sometimes later) and begin my day by getting Clare and Jamie dressed and fed. Of course, Shawn pitches in. Do I expect him to? Not usually. Will he do it if I ask him? Always.

Shawn put both kids to bed by himself last week. You may think this is a long time coming since Clare is 17 months old, but to me, it wasn’t. Clare just recently weaned (a bittersweet day), so I always put her to bed myself. If I went out in the evening, I would put Clare down before I went. Breastfeeding is something Shawn will never be able to do. And, to me, that’s awesome. There should be some things that dads can’t do, just like there are some things that moms can’t do (like pushing Jamie way too high on the swings and wrestling wildly on the floor). I never minded being the sole person for Clare’s bedtime routine. I know all too well that those precious moments go by so quickly. Was I happy Shawn put both kids to bed? Absolutely! Although I missed that snuggle time with my children, it meant I could finally go to Bible Study on time.

There is nothing wrong with praising your husband and bragging about him. Even if that husband was being praised for something he SHOULD have done, what’s so bad about that? When I was pregnant with Jamie, Shawn and I made the choice that I would quit working to raise our family. This was MY choice, and I have never regretted it. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy (of course, I had no idea how NOT easy it was going to be!), but it is worth all the sacrifices, personally and financially, to stay home with my children. Yet it feels good when Shawn tells me I am doing a terrific job. So why shouldn’t I say the same about him?

10 comments:

Lisa said...

I hear my friends talk aboutthere husbands and it makes me relize how lucky I really am. Chris and I both work full time and for the most part I do most drop off and pick up from daycare( we are working on this) but we share alot of the rest.

When I come down stairs in the morning after getting the girls up and dressed I can count on my fridge being stocked with a juice cup for Emma bottles for daycare packed in a bag and a sandwich for my lunch. You can't beat that.

It we both did not put in our share I do not know what I would do. I am just thankful I got a good one for the most part :)

Kerry said...

We definitely are lucky... I hear too many friends complain about their husbands and then I come home and Tom is off playing with Michael or changing Brady's poopy diaper without complaining as much as me! :) 'Course when I do give Tom his props he does a little "that's-right-you're-lucky" dance with a ****-eating grin on his face and I need to bring him down a level. :)

Men are so easy!

Nancy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nancy said...

I think it is great you guys seem to communicate so well and find balance in your married lives. Being a "progressive" sort of gal, I am always glad to see women find happiness doing what they dream of doing...whether it is a more traditional role or working full-time. I think it is wonderful women have so many choices these days to follow their dreams, no matter what they are. I really love being a half-time housewife and half-time transcriptionist. I do most of the "homemaking," which comes very naturally to me, and Brian is great about helping me out if work gets out of hand some days. It took a bit to find balance and get into the swing of my new life, but I did it! I try not to hesitate to tell Brian how much I appreciate him or if he has done something well.

:) Great post.

Aspen said...

What a great tribute to your wonderful husband! I forget sometimes how great my husband is. This post reminds me that I couldn't go without him. He is a great helper and LOVES our son more than anything. Which is all I could ask for.

I also loved the dancing and singing pictures. So precious!

Anonymous said...

Teresa - What a beautiful tribute to both of you. Marriage is a 100/100 deal. I believe that if we can give graditude to servers, waitresses, etc. for "just" doing their jobs, we should feel the same about praising our spouses for a 'job well done' - even if it is their 'job'. May you and Shawn enjoy a long and very happy life together. Love ya, Joan

Michael and Michelle said...

Good for you! It is true that marriage and parenting is a shared task, but much like you my husband's job is out in the workplace, and my job is at home with my two and 1/2 little monkeys. Some days I wonder what it would be like if our roles were switched. When Mike is home he really is wonderful with his boys. The kind of play and love they have for there daddy is special and wonderful in it's own way. Nothing in life is easy, but it can be made easier with communication, respect, and a whole lot of love for your spouse no matter how you choose to raise your family. Never ever should you put each other down! Thanks for another inspiring blog!

Kati said...

Yes, parenting (and marriage, too) is a shared thing...but a lot of man don't think this. I'm lucky, my husband is a totally normal, modern husband, he likes cooking, if I ask him he helps cleaning the house, and he tolerates me well :)))))He is crazy for Szabi, and he playes with him another way that I usually do, and it is good...
But don't forget of those woman who are depending on their husbands and the husbands exploit it... I have a few woman around me, who are in this situation :(

Ava's Grandma Kim said...

To those women who complain about husbands not doing their share I say this: Try keeping it together WITHOUT a husband. I have had to be father/mother/counselor/taxi-driver/and so on for way too many years. It is not easy. There have been many times when I wished I would have had some help with bedtime, or discipline, or any number of things necessary to a household. If you do have a husband, make sure to tell him every chance you get that his help is appreciated!

Clare and Jamie are so very lucky to have such kind and committed parents! Awesome family!

Auntie Becky said...

Great post Tree!! It really made me think "Hmmm Did I tell Brian how much I appreciate him today?" I agree so much with what you said.
I truly thank God every day for the wonderful husband He gave me!
Thanks Tree for the great post...you got me all sentimental!

Love ya
Becky