Summer School

Clare is starting her third week of summer school, and she is loving the routine again. However, the first day was rough, to say the least. This summer, we chose to have Clare take the bus both to and from school. I knew that would be easier on me this summer rather than getting five kids out of the house every morning at 8am. Plus Clare loved riding the bus when she was in preschool. So I thought this was a great plan! It didn't work out as planned that first day.

Clare came off the bus crying. First, she arrived home 45 minutes after school ended, and we literally live two minutes from the school, so she was overheated from being on the un-air-conditioned bus for that long. Second, she thought her beloved kindergarten teacher was going to be her teacher for summer school (because we had told her that Mrs. D would be her teacher again next year, and Clare has a hard time with distinctions, so to her mind, this was next year), so it was a big let-down to have someone completely new. Third, her IEP states she is not allowed to be outside on the playground in heat and humidity, and as it was a 80+ degree day, her teacher kept her in the classroom while the rest of the class went outside. (Clare claims she sat and did nothing during this period, which I doubted.) And, fourth, not only was the bus hot, but Clare didn't understand why it was taking so long to get home, so she was worried that the bus driver was lost. Apparently, she kept repeating this and saying she just wanted to go home, and the bus driver "yelled" at her to stop crying.

Of course, all this sent me into a panic, and my first instinct was, That's it, Clare does not really need to go to summer school does she? My second instinct was, No, she DOES need summer school, she needs the routine, but I will just drive her to and from school each day. Shawn reminded me that Clare had a rough night's sleep and was up super-early in the morning (being excited about school), so she was exhausted to begin with, and he convinced me that Clare needed to try again and that we would get to the bottom of all this.

Clare and I had a pep talk the following morning that she would give the bus another try. She cheerily boarded the little bus, and I waited anxiously as the hours passed. Meanwhile, Shawn contacted the bus company and spoke to them to find out what happened on the ride home. It was a lot of sorting out the best route to get the multiple children home, and the bus did not even leave the school until 15 minutes past dismissal. I spoke with the driver personally when she dropped Clare off (it's a different driver coming and going). She did have a loud voice, but seemed very sweet and friendly with Clare. She also had horrible directions from the school to our house, so I gave her the most direct route (and now it takes ten minutes from school dismissal to when Clare arrives at our driveway). After school, Shawn spoke with Clare's summer school teacher about the playground. He gave permission for Clare to play on the playground as long as she's only out there for a brief period of time (and it's not over 90 degrees). The teacher explained that Clare stayed inside to blow bubbles and was able to choose a friend to stay inside with her. We knew Clare's view of the day would be slightly skewed (she still has trouble with storytelling), but it did make me feel better that, although Clare perceived the situation to be terrible, neither the bus driver nor her teacher did anything I could fault them for.

When these situations occur, my mother bear kicks in (more so with Clare than the other kids), and I have to remember not to make rash decisions based on my initial gut reaction. Such as foregoing summer school all together based on the first day. Day two and on have gone great, and Clare is enjoying school.

Transition

The transition of "bringing baby home" is always a little rough. Our transition with Eliza has been MUCH smoother than with Violet, due to the easier delivery (not necessarily easier labor, but the VBAC recovery was SOOOO much better than the C-section recovery!). But the transition is an adjustment period whether it's baby #2 or #10. I forget how "spoiled" I was by having only children who could walk, talk, feed, and entertain themselves (for the most part). A newborn forces me to let the laundry slide, leave the living room messy at the end of the day, and plan simple meals (or forego the planning and just wing it with whatever is in the pantry).

The Type A part of my personality has a very hard time adjusting to this "slide" with each new baby. The crumbs under the dining room table are mocking me. The to-do list I made on June 11 (as in the day before my water broke) still sits on the counter just begging to be tackled. And I want to do stuff with my kids this summer - much of which cannot be done with a baby.

But then I remember that this phase of our life - Eliza's newborn-ness - is so very short. I do not know if I will ever have another newborn (I think I've said that four times - HA!), and I want to cherish every moment. And that means cherish the moments even if our days are spent hanging in the backyard with the kiddie pools and freeze pops instead of going to the beach or hang gliding or whatever other silly thing I imagine we could be doing in those moments of resentment at our "boring" summer. Cherish what it is and let go of what it is not.

(And, of course, it took me two weeks to actually finish this post, and Eliza is almost one month old. My time on the computer, scrapbooking, grocery shopping is very limited right now! On the other hand, I do a lot of sitting on the couch while nursing Eliza, so I have finished some really great books!)

Photos Finally!

(As usual, I am bad at formatting these!)

It's A Girl!

Eliza Marie was born at 1:01am this morning. She weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz and measured 20" long (my second biggest baby!).

Trying for the VBAC was a rough road, but I am so blessed to have an amazingly patient and loving husband and a terrific OB staff, both nurses and doctors. My water broke at 9:30pm Sunday night, and I really thought labor would take off and we would have a baby about 10-12 hours later. Ha! Shows that, even after four previous (all very different) deliveries, I still haven't learned that every baby comes into the world at their pace. And Eliza was no different! By 10pm Monday night (over 24 hours since my water broke), I was in a lot of pain from intense contractions, but still only at 4 cm dilated (imagine my extreme disappointment - understatement of the year). Over those L-O-N-G 24 hours, I was so ready too many times to throw in the towel and just get it done with a C-section. But Shawn was there through every painful contraction encouraging me that I could do it and that the pain on this end was worth the recovery on the other side.

I had three different OBs from my practice throughout the labor process and each one was awesome. They were all committed 100% to this VBAC, and not one of them rushed me or brought up having a C-section. You could see the wheels spinning with my final OB (who delivered Eliza) who was actively working on solving the "problem" of getting my labor to take off. Around 12:45am, labor was even more intense, so my OB wanted to just take a peek. I geared myself up mentally that I would only be another couple centimeters dilated. I was in shock when she announced it was time to have a baby. I was prepped, I peeked at the clock (12:59am), and Eliza Marie was born two minutes later at 1:01am. Twenty-four hours to get from 1 to 4 cm and then less than 3 hours to go from 4 to 10 cm! There is no predicting what will happen in labor!

Eliza is beautiful, nursing great, has a full head of dark hair like her siblings did at birth, and looks a little like a mix of Simon and Violet (and her cousin Finlay!). She squawks a little bit, nurses, and goes back to sleep. I am exhausted (five hours of sleep total over the last 50 hours), but I also feel great. I am so thankful we remained committed to the VBAC because this recovery is definitely worth those last 27.5 hours!

(Pictures to follow as soon as I get them uploaded on the computer!)

Today's the Day

Today is Birth Day! I cannot believe it is finally here. My water broke last night at home at 9:30pm. Since I am positive for Group B strep (bacteria that I could pass along to the baby), I had to come right into the hospital and start on IV antibiotics. The good news is that I was able to get two doses in already (they prefer to have at least two on board prior to delivering). The bad news is that I am not in any good contraction pattern, so after nine hours in the hospital and one hour of sleep, I still have not really made any progress. The doctor is going to start Pitocin in a couple hours (once the shift change is complete), then we should be off to the races. Prayers for a successful and safe birth (no C-section please)!

Clare's IEP and The Plan

This morning we had Clare's IEP meeting for next year. As eager as I was to add some new goals to her IEP (especially goals related to a sensory diet, social skills, and self-advocacy skills - see how much we have learned over the past year??), I was more eager to finalize The Plan for next year.

Everything went smoothly. There were a few minor details we ironed out, but we are very happy with the IEP for next year and approve The Plan. As it stands, Clare will repeat half-day morning kindergarten with the same teacher and curriculum. Everyone agrees this will be such a benefit to Clare. She entered kindergarten last fall with almost zero knowledge of letters and numbers so she really struggled and made little progress in the first half of the year. Clare blossomed in the second half of the year, though. Now she will re-enter knowing a good majority of her letters (still struggling with numbers), so we hope she will continue to make great progress. Clare has done great achieving her OT, PT, and speech goals, so the new goals for next year are in line with where she needs to be. Once the kindergarten day is done, Clare will join the first grade class for their lunch and recess, then in the afternoon, be in a first grade class for math (with a modified curriculum) and specials (gym, music, art, science - areas where she does not need a modified curriculum). When she needs pull-outs for resource room and therapies, the team is going to try to work her schedule (and theirs) so she has less pull-outs during the kindergarten day and will receive her extras during transition times or a specials time. This year, out of an 11-hour kindergarten week, she was pulled out 3 hours for services. That's a huge chunk of time away from the curriculum!

Walking away from the meeting, I kept thinking how blessed we were with our little elementary school. It's been a learning process over this past year for Shawn and I, and we have spent hours doing what we could on our end to help Clare in getting all we can for her when it comes to school, but her team has been excellent. The special education teacher made a comment in the meeting about how she thinks they "really know Clare now" and "know her needs." And I have to agree 100%. Many of the items on our priority list were addressed by the team and included in the IEP before Shawn and I brought them up. The school guidance counselor is a new member of the team this year, and she had already come up with ways to address social skills and self-advocacy skills. The speech therapist wants to switch Clare from group speech to individual speech, feeling Clare will benefit more from the one-on-one time (we have been advocating for this change for three years now when developing IEPs with the preschool). Despite budget cuts and other uncertainties regarding the upcoming school year, the team was insistent that Clare will have a paraprofessional, no services have been cut from her IEP (in fact, she has increased services), and that they are doing everything they can on their end to help Clare succeed.

One piece of "sad" news that her teacher shared with us recently is that the other girls in the class have matured past Clare in the way they play and interact. We knew this would happen (we have seen it already happening with family friends and their children's interactions with Clare), but it's still a tough pill to swallow. Clare has been invited to a classmate's birthday party next week, and I am having such bad mommy-indecision about it. Although I think everyone in the class genuinely likes Clare, I don't think any of them are particularly her friends. When I observe her on the playground or running around with the kids after school, no one really interacts with her. I am so grateful for the fact that she is still pretty much oblivious to these nuances and just has a great time doing what she wants to do. But when we went to a birthday party back in September, Clare was definitely left out of the action (and I actually started to cry at the party and I was not even pregnant!!). Now these little girls have been together for the entire school year and have formed their bonds and cliques that Clare is not a part of. I just don't know how much my 9-month pregnant-hormonal-emotional self can stand to watch. Then I always get the anxiety of what is Clare going to eat (it's a "luncheon" party right after school), how will she act in a stranger's house, what will she get into, will there be any outbursts to deal with? Clare knows about the party, so if Shawn can swing his schedule around to watch the little ones, I know I will end up taking her. This is one of those tough moments where I have to swallow my own anxiety and reluctance and just be there for Clare in whatever capacity she needs me.

Toddler Quirks

Violet is an enigma. Although she babbles all the time, she is only now starting to put complete sentences together at 28 months old, and those are fairly limited in terms of vocabulary. So when she plays by herself and babbles, I have no clue what's going on in that little head of hers.

Two mornings a week, when Simon is at preschool, Violet has the house to herself. I usually employ this window of time to get some chores done since Violet (generally) loves having the run of the house and the toys. I love to hear her "talking" to herself while I clean or fold laundry. This morning of the photos (before the week of rain hit us), she was going back and forth between the four open windows in the living room and dining room. I am not sure what exactly she was doing, but after about 20 minutes, she moved on to another activity. Then I saw all the open windows and the creatures she had left there. I think they were guarding the house for me. I left them there all day because they were so cute and it reminds me of the little unknown joys that children bring.

Violet also has a fondness for having a container of "stuff." Usually little baby dolls from the dollhouse, Littlest Pet Shop animals (her favorite being the tiny birds, which she calls "tweet tweet"), and other sundry odds and ends. Usually, she steals Clare's ballet purse or some other purse to carry her loot in. But on this day, I found her walking around with her prized possessions in a cage. Slightly odd, but very endearing. Sometimes I share the sentiment that life would be easier if I could just put all my little darlings in a cage!

Boys V. Girls

Since we do not know the sex of this baby, we have had many queries about if we "think" we know what we're having. And, of course, the answer is NO! How could we possibly predict that?? But the debate rages on.

Last week, one of the neighborhood boys was playing on our swing set. He is 5 years old with an older brother. He asked me what the baby's name was, and I told him I did not know because we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl. His response was: "Oh, you're having a boy. You have a lot of girls already!" I thought it was cute that to him (only having a brother), two girls was "a lot of girls." I didn't point out that we also had two boys since apparently this was not a lot of boys to him! Then this morning, Simon told me the baby was a boy because "we already have a girl baby... Violet! We don't want two girl babies!" So maybe the baby is a boy??

Weirdly enough, I do not have pregnancy dreams. I have not dreamt of labor, delivery, or whether the baby is a boy or girl. These days (or nights rather), I don't think I am asleep for long enough stretches to even have dreams! And just when I thought we were settled on names, it turns out we are not. Our boy's name is decided (right, Shawn?) but we're still throwing out girl potentials. Nothing has grabbed us and screamed THIS IS IT! I felt like with each of the older four children, as soon as I heard what is now their name, I knew that was the perfect name. I just don't have that feeling this time when it comes to a girl's name. So my prediction is that this baby is a girl and will not have a name until we see her!

Today marks 37 weeks, and we are all so eager for this pregnancy to end and meet Baby #5!! This is the latest in the "summer" I have been pregnant and have the cankles to prove it.

Embraceable

Embraceable

A film about Williams syndrome.... the trailer alone made me cry.

You have to check it out.

The Personality

"Cocktail Personality" - One of the first phrases we heard six years ago to describe individuals with Williams syndrome.

Even the Wikipedia definition of Williams syndrome contains this statement: "Most individuals with Williams syndrome are highly verbal and overly sociable, having what has been described as a "cocktail party" type personality, and exhibit a remarkable blend of cognitive strengths and weaknesses."

In the past few months, Clare's "cocktail personality" has really been coming out full force. She talks to EVERYONE everywhere. She loves to say "hi" to every person she encounters. But she just does not say hi. She likes to add something personal, such as "Hi, guy!" or "Hi, lady!" Recently, at Jamie's soccer practice, she passed one of Jamie's teammates - a boy who has pretty long hair for an 8-year old boy. Clare brightly chirped, "Hi, girl!" as she waved and walked by. That prompted our discussion about how saying hello is okay, but we can leave it at that. If we do not know the person or do not know their name, we can just say "hi." Nothing else needed to be added. It's weird the conversations you have with your children and the rules you have in place that you never dreamed you would need.

I love that Clare is friendly and outgoing. That she smiles at everyone and wants to brighten people's days. That she enjoys striking up conversations with just about anyone. But I admit there are many times I cringe knowing what's ahead, the scenarios I can see coming - such as standing in line behind the woman with purple spikes at the OB's office ("I like your purple hair!") or passing the overly-made up woman at the grocery store ("I love to wear make-up like that!") or her new favorite is telling the entire world that her mom is going to have a baby. (At least she doesn't try to pull up my shirt to SHOW everyone like Violet does!) These days, we are receiving ample opportunity to talk about boundaries, personal space, and appropriate conversation.

More Photos!

Clare's 6-year photos and Simon's 4-year photos. Once again, I love that the photos completely capture their individual personalities!

Clare was quite the ham for her "photo shoot," and I ended up with about 20 amazing pictures. Very hard to narrow it down! Simon was being goofy and didn't want to take any direction, but the photographer was amazingly patient and able to capture some great shots. I am very pleased with my new wall hangings!

Photos Photos

I brought Jamie and Violet to have their professional photos taken a couple months ago around their birthdays, and today I am taking Clare and Simon, so I wanted to share them. (I will share Clare's and Simon's once I have them.)

The last time I took the three older children to have photos done was two years ago. (I did do Violet's at one year old.) With the age of digital photography, we have thousands of photos - and thousands of REALLY good photos. So I let myself skip a year last year. But I still love the professional shots to decorate our walls. I love photos of my children and family and would rather see those around my house than any other decoration. I regret not taking Jamie, Clare, and Simon last year, although it gave me a chance to enjoy their beautiful 6-, 4-, and 2-year old photos for two years!

I debated attempting the group shot today, but being 34 weeks pregnant and having no clue what to put them in to coordinate, I am wimping out on that. Plus if I wait 6-7 months, I can get one with all five children (and maybe even a family portrait, since Simon was 11 months old the last time we did that!). But these are Violet's stunning 2-year photos and Jamie's awesome 8-year photos. I love that they totally capture each child's unique personality.

Choices

We recently made a decision in our life. Nothing earth-shattering or even something that in a few years we will really think about. But, in the moment, this decision was eating me up for some reason. To me, it's all about leaving the comfort and security of a place I know well, people I truly like, and a situation I am used to, familiar with. To begin again in a new place with new people, but one that will be easier for us logistically and financially and hopefully make our life slightly simpler.

There are always choices to be made as a parent. And I struggle constantly with whether or not I am making the right choices. Some of these choices are so tiny in the grand scheme of life. I remember how much I agonized eighteen months ago about putting Clare on the bus to school. I went back and forth in my mind, with Shawn, in my mind again. We ended up letting Clare ride the bus to school because it truly was what worked out best for our family at that time, and it turned out to be a non-issue. In fact, Clare loved every minute of it. Then there are the huge decisions to be made when it comes to our children's health, particularly Clare's. In some ways, though, those decisions are easier to make because you weigh your child's life against the risk of a procedure or other medical decision. And your child's life wins every time.

When I attended my Moms' Day Away, we talked both in our large group and small group about cutting out the extras from our life. Those little things we do or traps we fall into that really make our life more complicated than it has to be. Does my child have to play two sports plus learn to play an instrument? Do I have to empty all the hampers every day or will the earth continue on its rotation if I let the laundry pile up a bit? Do I have to be president of the PTO or even attend every meeting or is it okay to simply be one of the parents who bakes for the teacher's luncheon once a year? As our family grows in size and busy-ness, I am slowly coming to peace with the fact that I cannot do all I want to do. I cannot be everything I want to be. And I think I am okay with that. Because it makes me less stressed and a happier wife and mother. Which makes my husband and kids happier. Which makes life so much sweeter!

Happy 4th Birthday, Simon!

Happy Birthday to our spunky, goofy, cuddly, new four-year old Simon Joseph! It has been an awesome year watching you grow in leaps and bounds. You have become a great playmate to all your siblings. You love playing with Violet in the mornings, and I often find myself with two crazy kids concocting all kinds of interesting schemes! You enjoy the afternoons with Clare, playing computer or board games. Once Jamie comes home from school, the two of you will hole up in your bedroom with Legos or Bionicles. But your favorite activity is snuggling with me on the couch reading I-Spy books. You cannot get enough of them and can find the hidden items quicker than Mom can. I love that I have a buddy to eat carrots and hummus with, since none of the other kids will touch them! Your love of learning, activity books, mazes, and games is insatiable, and I hope you always have that love of using your mind like that. You are such a joy to us, Simon, and we love you so much! Happy Birthday!

The Kiddos, Part 2

Simon has one month left of his first year of preschool. On the whole, it has been a good year, and he has enjoyed going to school. After much deliberation, we made the difficult choice to not reutrn to the same preschool next year. The beloved 4-year old teacher is leaving after so many years at the school, and she was really the incentive behind my willingness to stick it out for another year (it's a bit of a drive). We toured a Christian preschool closer to home that some of our friends' children attend and have decided to make the switch. Simon seems to accept this decision without any complaint. Although he likes preschool, he has not made any "best" friends there and does not seem particularly attached to the school. I am sad to say goodbye forever to the school becasue Jamie did have such a great experience at this school, yet at the same time, I am not sad to say goodbye to the drive and the craziness it adds to our schedule. I am all about simplicity (especially with a new baby on the way!).

Violet has had a rough six weeks with illness. We were all sick with a cold at the end of February. However, Simon, Violet, and I could not shake the cough and congestion. Both Simon and Violet ended up with ear infections, and I came down with bronchitis. By the time I brought Violet in, her ears were so infected (as in pus bubbles ready to pop! ewwww... gross!), that the goop was coming out of her eyes because there was nowhere else to go. So the doctor started Violet on a course of augmentum before things got worse. Unfortunately, we now know that Violet shares her dad's and older brother's amoxicillin allergy. She ended up in hives from head to toe. As soon as I saw them, I knew instantly what they were from (having dealt with the same thing with Jamie when he was two). Since Violet was on day eight of the antibiotic when she broke out in hives, the doctor felt it was okay to not prescribe a different antibiotic, but absolutely stop the augmentum. Two days later, Violet's hives became worse, her breathing was slightly labored, and her face was starting to swell, so it was off to ER. She still had a double ear infection, so after some monitoring and oral steroids in the ER, we were sent home with prescriptions for more steroids, bendaryl, pepcid (apparently an antihistamine as well) and zithromax (another antibiotic). A week later, we followed up with the pediatrician again. Violet STILL had a double ear infection. And she still had the horrible rash from the allergic reaction. I think she was more miserable from the rash than the ear infection. She needed benadryl at night to go to sleep because she was scratching herself until she bled. Not to mention that antibiotics cause diarrhea, so now I was pumping her full of probiotics as well, and we had to add a medicated diaper cream to the mix. So now Violet was put on omnicef, a third antibiotic. Unfortunately for Violet once again, there is some cross-sensitivity and 10% of people allergic to amoxicillin/penicillin are also allergic to the class of drugs that omnicef is in. Violet's reaction was not as severe to the omnicef, but her rash worsened. She completed her course of medication, suffered through the rash, slept on lots of benadryl, and I think we're in the clear now! Everyone has been healthy for a couple weeks now. (Oh, I better not have just ruined anything!)

We are all looking forward to spring, Easter, Simon's birthday, and Jamie's First Communion!

The Kiddos, Part 1

There are times when I feel guilty about just updating about Clare. Yes, the title of the blog is Clare's Journey and the ups and downs associated with Williams syndrome is a big part of our life, but the blog is really more about our family and whatever else is on my mind, so I always feel the mom-pressure of dividing the blog attention evenly. So here goes!

Winter indoor soccer is a wrap, and now we have moved on to spring travel soccer. I love that Jamie has found a sport he truly loves and is skilled at, yet it is always an adjustment to everyone's schedule to have soccer three times a week. His first practice was last night, and, since Shawn is away this week, it was a late night getting everyone into bed, so we all paid for it today! (Extra grumpies all around.) In school, Jamie is busy doing the school play again this year. I am not sure how thrilled Jamie is that they are performing Cinderella this year (he is one of the mice), but he enjoys doing the play, and I hope he continues loving the theater like his parents do. Shawn and I talk hopefully that, in the future, we can be involved in a community theatre together. It definitely brings back memories of our college days!

Spring allergies are having an impact on Jamie and his migraines. Even though he still receives monthly allergy shots, when the allergens start to emerge full-force, Jamie still reacts to it. Last weekend, we knew allergy season had officially started because Jamie fell asleep before dinner on Saturday evening, and, on Sunday, I went into his bedroom in the mid-afternoon to find him sound asleep on his floor! So I knew his allergies were knocking him out. We added a daily dose of Zyrtec to his schedule to get him through the next couple of weeks. I hate seeing him suffer like this. I never feel like it's "fair" that an eight-year old struggles to just get out of bed some mornings. In my mind, he should bounce out of bed full of energy every day. Save the struggle for when he's old like his mom!

Clare is done with all her educational testing between the Boston WS Clinic, visit with Dr. Mervis, and her three-year evaluation in the school district. We have a meeting with her school next week to discuss the results, amend her IEP a bit, and maybe chat about next year. Clare will have her official IEP meeting in June where we will formalize the plans for next year. She continues to love kindergarten and is making progress. Recognizing letters, counting, the concept of rhyme, letter sounds, and forming letters and shape is still slow, but I don't want to inundate her with constantly making her "work" on her letters. There was a period a couple months ago when Clare did not want to go to school. She would cry when we worked on the alphabet and even referred to herself as "stupid." The psychologist in Boston picked up on her frustration in this area as well, so we have backed off at home. Dr. Mervis recommended the Handwriting Without Tears program, which we have not started yet, but I also wanted to explore options for Clare that were fun. Not just sitting at the table and drilling it into her. Which led us to hippotherapy, another suggestion from Dr. Mervis and one we have considered on and off over the past few years.

Clare started hippotherapy three weeks ago and is using it as a form of occupational therapy. Stating that Clare loves riding the horse is a huge understatement. She tells me often that she misses Nori (the horse she rides), and I have to wait until lunchtime the day of hippotherapy to let her know that we are going or it's nonstop asking when are we leaving. While riding, Clare works on skills such as dressing, hand-eye coordination, drawing and writing, some vision therapy, and general core stability and trunk strengthening. It is a workout for Clare. I don't think she could ride for longer than the 30-minute session, but she loves every second of it and is always sad to say goodbye to Nori. The OT has recommended we also take Clare to see an opthamologist who runs a vision therapy specialty practice (coincidentally the same opthamologist that Clare's early intervention OT recommended when she was about a year old). Clare does have some tracking and visual scanning issues, which the OT has really been able to see when Clare is riding (her eyes lose focus when the horse turns a corner - almost like the eye muscles cannot keep up). The OT warned that this can lead to some problems with scanning when Clare learns how to read. I feel that just as we are starting to get something under control, something else pops up! But, then again, this is also a problem we have heard about throughout the years, so perhaps we should have done something earlier about it.

Sometimes I get caught up in the frustration of the educational process and forget to take note of what Clare is doing in her everyday life. When I think about it, she really has accomplished so much over the past few months. She rides her tricycle nonstop now without any help. She is like a little speed demon on it. She does not seem to mind that other kids her age are riding bikes. She enjoys the freedom and independence of being able to get on and off the trike by herself and go. Another small victory (but also huge) is that she is independent 95% of the time in the bathroom now. This is such a success because, again, it is another assertion of her independence and self-help skills. She no longer regularly announces that she has to go - she just goes. Shawn installed a bar on the wall for her so she can get on and off the toilet by herself. The only thing I help her with is buttoning her button if she is wearing jeans! She can undress herself now. She still needs help getting dressed (it's hard to maintain balance while pulling pants on - I have trouble with it!), but can pull her socks on now and often can put her shoes on, too. When I get discouraged, I remember where Clare was six months ago and can definitely see the progress!

Hello, Spring!

I think spring is here. I know the rain is here. And travel soccer, growing tulips, window washing, ballet recitals, play practices, and I am in my third trimester!

I hit the 30-week mark last week in my pregnancy. Shawn and I decided not to find out the sex of the baby for the first time. We figured Baby #5 was a good time to do something different! With two boys and two girls already, we refer to this baby as our "tiebreaker." We have finally settled on our names (I think?). I really should not complain about my pregnancy because I am a low-risk preggo mama to begin with, but I have definitely entered the stage of infinite heartburn, back pain, swollen ankles (thank goodness flip-flop weather is around the corner), and insomnia. I am pretty sure the remaining 10-12 weeks will fly by, though, since the long drag of winter is over.

Two weeks ago, I attended a Moms' Day Away hosted by Faith and Family, a magazine and blog dedicated to Catholic living. I have been a fan and subscriber of the magazine for years and reader of some of the blogger moms for just as long. It was such a treat to not only get ten continuous hours away from the nitty-gritty of being the mom but to spend the time with two friends, meet some of the women who have inspired and strengthened my vocation as a mother over the years, and enjoy a day of prayer, reflection, laughter, and food I did not prepare or cook. That one day focused on my motherhood reinforced for me that this is where I belong. Even on these nights when I am exhausted from three days of solo parenting, battled three of my four children to get into bed (who are more exhausted than I am, and I realize this is the source of their turning into little hellions), and feel like my chest is on fire from heartburn and my back hurts so bad I wish a pregnant woman could take ibuprofen or vicodin, I am still exactly where God wants me to be. I hold onto those thoughts, feelings, and reflections and thank God that I am so blessed to know where I am supposed to be in life. That I am not "lost" or "searching." I still have lots of work to do on my vocation as a Catholic wife and mother, but I know I am going in the right direction.

So I wanted to update on all the children, but it's time to end.... the heartburn sends me over the edge most nights. I never get heartburn in every day life, just in my third-trimester pregnancy life. Nothing soothes it really. The only "cure" is to go to bed and, when I awake, enjoy my six heartburn-free hours before it rears its fiery head again after lunch. Although a bowl of cereal does take some of the sting away. Which is where I am headed.

Happy 6th Birthday, Clare!

Six years ago today, we were waiting and waiting for our first baby girl to arrive. You were already nine days overdue. The Easter outfit I purchased for you sat waiting in the nursery (and was now deemed your Baptism outfit instead) since you did not arrive by Easter (which was five days past your due date). I was big, tired, cranky, and all done wiith being pregnant. We scheduled an induction with my OB for this date, but I just knew you would arrive before then. Well... you did not.

As we checked into labor and delivery at 7:30am, the nurse informed us that we should have received a phone call postponing the induction since the L&D floor was full. I almost lost it then. There was no way I was going back home. My baby was coming out TODAY! Once the nurse realized I was nine days overdue, they set me up in a teensy curtained area in pre-op. There was barely any room for Shawn to sit never mind the four anxious grandparents milling around. I refused to let my OB break my water in that little space, but the Pitocin was started, and the induction officially began. What a crazy day! (As if any labor and delivery is not crazy!) Things went slowly, I finally was transferred to a real room with a real door that closes and a real bed. I kept making progress, but slowly. I was at 7cm for what seemed like days and days and days. But I kept telling everyone that she was coming. I knew she was coming. At 8:30pm, my dad had to leave to catch a plane for a business trip, and both the nurse and OB told him this baby was not coming before midnight. So he left. But I knew she was coming. They kept checking me and telling me I was only at 7cm and not to push. I was on no pain medication, and I just knew she was coming. Those were the words I kept saying over and over. "She's coming, she's coming, she's coming!" The last time, those words were screamed at the top of my lungs. My OB was down the hall, and (she tells me after the fact), she said, "That's my patient!" and ran in. Sure enough, you were coming. When you were ready to come, you didn't care that I was not fully dilated, that no one else was prepared for you to be delivered (except your mother!). 8:52pm and Clare Therese was born!

I fell in love that day with my first baby girl. The nurses could not get your temperature up even under warmer lights, so I begged to hold you skin-to-skin and nurse you. We cuddled under the blankets, you latched on as if you had been nursing forever, and your temperature shot right up. The world was a perfect place, and we were on Cloud Nine. For about 16 hours.

When I think back, I wish I could hold on to those 16 hours of ignorant bliss forever. When our two-year old son came to the hospital the following morning to meet his baby sister. When I thought over and over what a perfect little family of four we had become. When I could not believe I had been so blessed with a gorgeous son and daughter. When all was right in my little world, and I felt so much at peace.

Then we heard the words "she has a heart murmur." And bigger, scarier words were thrown around - pediatric cardiologist, echocardiogram, pulmonary valve stenosis, congestive heart failure, sudden death. Over the next few days, then weeks, our entire world was turned upside down by what is now an everyday part of our life - Williams syndrome and congenital heart defects.

But there is a happy ending. Because we have you, Clare Bear. We have had your beautiful, loving, joyful person in our lives for six years now. I would walk this road all over again. How could I wish it otherwise when it would mean I would not have you? I love you so much, my sweet girl. Happy Birthday!

Hockey Girl

I love that I can walk into any room in my house at any given time, and I never know what I might find. Today I found Violet geared up playing hockey! (She did this all by herself with Jamie's pretend hockey stuff.) Priceless! This is definitely one of the joys of motherhood.

Fighting Everything

Clare is 100% recovered from her surgery and anesthesia. Well, may 95% recovered because she still has the rash from the allergic reaction, but it does not seem to be bothering her anymore, so it's hopefully on its way out. I am taking her to our NH dentist on Friday for a quick follow-up. Still waiting to hear back from the allergist about their thoughts. They were going to "round table" Clare this week, but we know how the waiting game is played.

Meanwhile, spring has been teasing us with little thaws and warm-ish days, but then we got hit with two smaller snowstorms over the weekend. I believe I can speak for almost everyone in New Hampshire that we are ready for winter to be over. This winter has been a nightmare for illnesses. I don't think one day has gone by this entire January, February, and now March when at least one person in our house has not been sick. We have battled colds, coughs, stomach bugs, infections, all kinds of yuckies. Right now, Simon and Violet both have ear infections and are on antibiotics, and I am heading down that path. They started as regular colds that are settling in for the long haul. Simon is halfway into his course, so he is feeling a lot better (and we feared he was developing pneumonia again, so we were relieved to hear it was "just" an ear infection). Violet was diagnosed with a double ear infection and conjunctivitis just last night, so she is still pretty miserable. My OB instructed me to see my PCP, so I have an appointment today. I am praying that the doctor will see the wisdom in putting me on some antibiotics as well. I very rarely take any prescription medication at all and have been running an off-and-on fever, so I am hoping that for the sake of the baby (and the miserable mom), they will prescribe something.

We are surviving with lots of rest, television, and cough drops. Blah....